Song For Today…

Many Of Horror – Biffy Clyro

House of Autopsy…

Take me to pieces…
Slice into ny soul…
Tear away my spirit…
And leave a bleeding, oozing hole.
Call me in a thousand years…
When we’re a lighter shade of low…
Or say goodbye tomorrow…
And pretend you didn’t know.
A leaf to help you cut me…
So you can gaze deep inside…
Dissect what is in my brain…
And see just how I died.
Like an autopsy…
Carving flesh and bone…
You murdered me in the name of love…
I really should have known.
I lie still on my soft warm slab…
Through a decomposing mind…
You’ll never know how much I missed you…
Or just how much I pined.
I know now as the lights go down…
As they close me up so tight…
Through sightless eyes and silent lips…
That it was you gave up the fight.
Burn me, bury me, cover me in earth…
Leave me to the birds…
Like an autopsy in my own house…
You murdered me with your words.

A Dilemma…

Ok, been away a little while…. had some personal issues to deal with, some demons to fend off — but let’s do this, hopefully no more interruptions.

Ok, so its quite a sunny day outside… more like the weather I should be used to huh…? Oh, forgot to mention… in my time away I discovered that after nearly 29 years on this lousy planet, that my deadbeat biological father was (is, he is not dead, but not in my life) 50% Italian… making me 25% myself… now this has caused a dilemma for me. I have, nor do I wish to have any dealings with my biological father given some of his past actions… but that is a story for another time.

I have been raised by my mother and stepfather, who I regard as my dad in every sense… to the point I call him dad. He has stuck by me through my highs and lows, and I will admit I wasnt the easiest teenager to live with, nor have I been the model son in adulthood either… it is the mark of a real man to ignore biology and adopt somebody else’s kid as your own, and to treat them as equal as you would your own blood. But lately there has been the blood issue in my head, I am at a stage in my life where I want to know more of where I came from, I know most of my stepdad’s background and family, and my mother’s…. as that is all I’ve known for 21 years, but I have this deep yearning for knowledge. I am the only one of the 5 people in my immediate family to have this issue… the first-born… the odd one out genetically. My dilemma is my conscience… am I betraying my stepdad (dad) by wanting to know about myself…?

I must admit the fact that I am 25% Italian has made me feel a bit better about myself… a little less of a genetic square if you will, but by acknowledging that I have Italian blood… am I acknowledging, or perhaps condoning my blood father’s actions…? I don’t want to feel like I am betraying my stepdad…. but I just wanna know who I am — what do I do…? I can think of little else at the moment, it has even pushed my ex-fiance completely to the back of my mind… that is how powerful these thoughts have become, and how devastating the tug of war in my head is getting…. I shouldnt be having these thoughts, but I can’t help it….

–Kris

Faceless, Nameless…

image

I’m heavier than heaven…
But lighter than air…
Simply complex…
Darker than fair.
Innocently guilty…
Of a victimless crime…
Frozen in motion…
Ahead of my time.
Lovingly despised by those that don’t know…
Secretly adored by the ebb and the flow.
So much more rounded than the average square…
But not much smarter than the average bear.
The tallest of midgets in a forest of gems…
The brightest of dunces on flowerless stems.
Maybe being blind helps you see clear…
Straightens your backbone…
Removes all the fear.
So staring at pills…
And playing with knives…
Becomes our history…
For the rest of our lives.

Kris — 8/9/2011.